That Thing Called "Balance"

[Lis Garrett]

It just doesn't exist.

I can't believe I'm about to admit this because it goes against how I'd normally behave, but I worked through dinner the other night. And it wasn't as though I was working in the next room. My "office" is currently my dining room table, so I sat in front of my laptop (dinner perched precariously on legs) while my husband and three children ate around me. What's worse, I was fully aware of the sideways glances from all of them. I could just hear their silent questioning, "What is Mommy doing?"

Or perhaps that was my own conscience . . .

Since starting my own business, there are days I feel as though I'm drowning in responsibility. It's not the business, so much; that, I love. It's the 4+ hours of additional contract work I must somehow squeeze into each day, often 7 days a week, that frays my nerves. Give it up, you say? Well, there's the rub. I can't. At this point, my business depends on this extra income.

Although my two oldest children are in school 6 hours each day, there are times I feel they are home more often than not. Snow days, sick days, teacher work days, vacations . . . . those all add up to a lot of days when they are home, and I must constantly switch between the many hats I wear in any one day. My youngest child goes to preschool 4 days each week, which gives me about 2.5 hours to work in total silence, but I also volunteer 2 to 3 days each month in the classroom (it's mandatory).

All of my kids will be home for winter vacation this next week, and then my husband will be traveling the entire week after. Needless to say, there will be a lot of very late nights and very early mornings so that I can accomplish everything I must do to keep my home and business running smoothly.

The thing is, I know I'm not alone in these responsibilities. There are countless other parents just like me who must somehow find a way to manage work and family. I consider myself an above-average organizer and planner, but it's impossible not to feel overwhelmed at least once in awhile.

What do you do when you feel like Balance is nowhere to be found?

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

I think the problem is often control, rather than balance. And, wanting to be Super-Mom and do it all. Because as women, spouses, employed, and parents we feel it is our job to do it all. And, we want to prove that we can do it all well.

At least for me. So, when I am on top of my game, it all seems well balanced. Though, I do not know if it is all balanced but it is a rush to me if it is all done, done well, and efficiently.

Then there are mornings like today, where I wake up fully in control, though everything seems to be raining down around me. And, I find myself wondering? What happened? I had it all balanced and under "control." Hmmmmmm.

But, we can't knock ourselves for those days when the scale teeters a little more out of balance than usual. Sometimes, we can enjoy our day and our life more if a few of those things fall off the scale.

I currently, have come to the decision to resign from my Kiwanis Club of which I have been a member for 12 years. Because, even though I enjoy it, life changes and I don't want to look back one day and realize what I missed because of what I felt I should do.

Does that make sense? Maybe I'm just rambling. I'm finding myself fighting to keep my eyes open this morning. :-)

[Karen Nowicki]

Ah, Lis and Rhonda, you hit the bulls eye!

The nature of the word "balance" suggests that we find equal time for everything and everyone. What a set up!

How about replacing the word Balance with the word "BLEND"?

For me, it captures the essence of who I am and gives me the freedom to choose how I spend my time and with whom.

Will I ever be balanced all of the time? I doubt it. But, are there occasions where I feel like I am. Certainly. (That is part of the set up.... I get attached to wanting that experience all of the time!)

Is it more likely that I will make choices about where I spend my time and energy? Absolutely.

The key is to make these choices on a conscious level.

A great question I ask myself is:

Am I choosing from my highest and best?

When I really listen to my answer... I shift my energy and get back into the flow (aka blend).

As I see it, there are 9 significant areas of my life calling for my attention all the time:

My Spiritual or Soulful Self
My Family
My Husband
My Home and Surroundings
My Friends
My Career/Work
My Financial Self
My Physical Body
My Leisure/Fun/Creative Self

When I am feeling a little (or a lot) out of whack, I can usually look at these areas of my life and see where I am overdoing in one or two areas and neglecting another.

Bringing conscious awareness and making new/healthier choices helps me let go of the fantasy that my life "should" be balanced!

[Rhonda]

Great post.

I think we feel like balance is nowhere to be found because just as you said, it doesn't exist.

I have strong opinions on the subject of "finding balance," and I had the opportunity to write about this subject on my blog a couple of weeks ago (http://coffeehousemom.wordpress.com/2009/01/23/state-of-inequality/). To me, attempting to do this means spending equal time for everything and everyone, and that just isn't reasonable.