Reform

[Lis Garrett]

My seven-year-old son, Jacob, recently spent a few days with his grandparents. My in-laws are some of the most patient and kid-friendly people I have ever met, and they are lovely individuals. They also have very good intentions and want only the best for their grandchildren.

For those who don't know, I should preface this post with the explanation that Jacob has Sensory Processing Disorder. While the disorder manifests differently in each individual, Jacob is most sensitive to food textures (and most clothing and loud sounds). Not only do the way certain foods feel bother him (to the touch and in his mouth), how they look can send him in a frenzy.

It drives me crazy when people refer to Jacob as "picky" because his problem is so much more than general pickiness. I laugh when people try to "fix" his food issues with simple advice. "It takes at least fifteen times of being served the same food before picky kids will try it," they'll say. And then I have to remind them I've placed the same foods in front of Jacob for the past seven years without any luck. They don't understand that Jacob touching or smelling certain foods, or placing them on his tongue, is a BIG step for him. They don't understand that he can almost always taste the subtle differences between brands of peanut butter or orange juice or cereal. They don't understand that if the pasta is not cooked for exactly eight minutes or the bread is not toasted just so, Jacob will push it aside. Feeding him can be a real struggle most days.

Many people would call me an enabler or a short-order cook, but I don't mind. "If he doesn't eat what you fix, just let him go hungry," they'll say. "That will teach him." But I beg to differ. Until you have a child who voluntarily chooses to go hungry vs. eating a forkful of meatloaf, you're not teaching him anything at all. Or perhaps what you are teaching him is that you don't care enough about his needs to prepare him something he will tolerate. I don't starve my cats out of a meal, so WHY would I do that to my own child?

When Jacob was with his grandparents, he told my mother-in-law one evening he'd like to eat a cheeseburger for dinner. I'm impressed that Jacob even suggested it, but what my mother-in-law should have done was call us to ask exactly what type of cheeseburger he'd eat. I would have told her to offer him a McDonald's cheeseburger (without the onions) and have a backup available, because he'd probably take one tiny bite and be done with it. Instead, she made homemade hamburger patties and served him one of those. He took one small bite and vomited. I think my mother-in-law took it personally, but she shouldn't have. Instead, she should have seen the entire situation as one small step toward success. Jacob has to try new foods on his own terms. However, my mother-in-law has always operated under the mistaken assumption that she can reform my son. She thinks it's love, patience and a little cajoling that will change his mind.

This spring and summer, I'm really looking forward to getting out in the garden and planting our fruits and vegetables. Jacob loves to garden, and it's been great therapy for him. Not only does he enjoy turning over the dirt in preparation for planting, he likes to sow the seeds and harvest the food. Over the years, I've had great success in getting him to try our garden produce. The first year he tried a bite of strawberry, which caused him to vomit. The second year he tried a bite of carrot, which he tolerated. Last year he tried a fresh blueberry and a small bite of crunchy green bean. Although he didn't like either, at least he swallowed them (with a minor amount of wretching).

I'm confident that Jacob will one day transcend this disorder. Even though it can make his (and our) life miserable at times, it does not define who he is.

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

My niece, five-and-a-half, is like that. The pediatrician told my SIL that she should just offer her the same food/plate of food, until she ate it. He said she'd come around. This does work for a lot of children, but for my niece -- it did not. She starved herself and became lethargic.

My SIL decided to stick with what the child will eat. Which is primarily, Mac and Cheese (not velvetta; allergies) and peanut butter sandwiches. She has in the last two years added a few more things to this menu. Pizza, pancakes, grilled cheese, and I think some meats. But, typically, if we all go out to eat somewhere or to an event that will not have food choices my niece will tolerate -- SIL brings the peanut butter sandwich.

My nephew was like this somewhat the first few years. He'd eat any fruit but he didn't like the texture of meat. Finally, around four or five years old he began eating more stuff. Now you can't slow him down. He'll eat anything.

Hopefully, the same will come for my niece.

Oh, and she can't eat things like orange goldfish -- they break her out in a rash. And, certain lotions or scents will give her hives. Yet, she is very good about drinking water vs. juice, etc.

We don't want to spoil our children or "short order" cook as you say. But, my son dislikes fried fish. When we fry fish, I'll offer him some ham, or something as his meat. My husband dislikes tomatoes so I don't offer those to him either.

I always tell my kids, to try it "Like on Green Eggs and Ham." If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. I'm very lucky because my children have few eating issues.

I totally get where you are coming from though, with other people thinking they know your child better or how to handle the situation.

[Robin]

You know I can identify... Maya literally licked a piece of grilled chicken cutlet before eating her standard chicken fingers last week and I nearly cheered. And then a few days later she had two bites of the "pizza" she made in her afterschool program - pita with ketchup (she handed over all the bits with cheese and vegetables over to her brother). That was the first time she'd tasted anything besides plain crust.

Small steps still lead to victories, and small victories lead to bigger ones. Eventually.

[The Queen]

It's wonderful that when he helps you in the garden, he's willing to try something new. I am one that the texture of food can throw me for a loop. I love Mac and Cheese, but the Mac has to be just perfect or it will go in the disposal. I don't gag or vomit, I just don't like the texture and I don't have to eat it,,,, and you can't make me... he he..

hang in there,,, sooner or later your son will get his Grandma reformed to his way of life... trust me.,.. they always do..