Know Your Limitations

[Lis Garrett]

Not too long ago, I wrote a post about knowing who you are. In a nutshell, I asked if you are unmotivated and complacent with where you are in your life, or if you are the type of person who, if you want something, goes the distance to get it. I ended the post by saying that I know who I am. In other words, if I have a vision or idea in my head, if there if something I think I want, need or must have, I set my sights on it. But I suppose I should've amended that post with, Know Your Limitations.

The other day, I restructured the way in which those who write for Root & Sprout are paid. In all honesty, I've been agonizing over this very big detail ever since I started paying writers. Even at the inception of Root & Sprout, it was always my goal to be able to compensate writers for their work. But I had meant to rely on volunteer contributions until the day came when I could realistically do so. When it became obvious (through feedback) that most people did not appreciate writing for Root & Sprout without some sort of return, I decided I would need to fund the project myself. I had hoped that I could grow Root & Sprout to the point where I could rely on incoming ad revenue, but you all know just how long it takes to grow an audience and gain supporters. We're just not there yet.

I struggled with what to do. Every single day I thought about it. Should I take out a loan? Should I try to get a grant? Should I try to find an angel investor? In the end, I decided to rely on a contract job of mine in order to pay everyone else. In a sense, I believed I was going the extra mile in order to be somewhat fair to the writers because, after all, they deserved some type of reward for their hard work and support.

After awhile, though, I began to feel stretched thin with all my obligations to this site, Root & Sprout, my contract job and my family. Not to mention I began working on a few creative projects as a way to de-stress and reclaim a bit of 'me time.' I was working full time without the benefit of 'normal' office hours. As many of you who work from home know, you have to squeeze in work here and there whenever you can. My day would begin at 5:00 and not end until 10:00 when, because of blurred vision from staring at a computer screen most of the day, I'd be forced to turn it off and go to bed. And then it would start over again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

In short, I was feeling majorly stressed out and, dare I say, angry and resentful. I began to hate my contract work, and I questioned why I had ever begun Root & Sprout in the first place. I missed my time with my family, and yet I'd get upset with them for 'bothering' me while I was trying to work. God forbid one of the kids request a PBJ sandwich because, you know, I might actually have to get out of my chair and fix it. I'm embarrassed to admit my priorities were completely topsy-turvey.

I related the story to some of you the other day about the proverbial straw that *finally* broke the camel's back. It happened one gorgeous afternoon while I was stuck at the computer and the kids were playing in the backyard. I could hear them laughing at some game they were playing, and all I could think about was the grand headache I had. Hannah, my oldest, rushed inside and asked if I would come out to play with them. I snapped, "Can't you see I'm working?" I could see the hurt in her eyes as she turned around and walked out, not saying a word, and yet I didn't go after her. I felt guilty, yes, but not enough to stop what I was doing and tend to her hurt feelings.

After twenty minutes or so, I finally made my way outside. I sat down on the back porch and put my head in my hands, my headache quickly turning into a migraine. I had taken medication earlier in the day, but it was doing nothing to cut through the pain.

"Can you play Red Light, Green Light with us?" Hannah asked.

I looked at her with an are-you-crazy expression on my face and said, "Are you kidding me? Can't you see my head hurts?"

Without hesitating, she screamed at me rather nastily, "You ALWAYS have a headache! And you're ALWAYS too busy to play with us, because you're ALWAYS working!"

You know that gut-wrenching feeling of when someone completely cuts you down and how awful it makes you feel? That was exactly how I felt in that moment. I realized what an ass-of-a-mother I had been for too many months. After all, I'd never have the opportunity to reclaim any of those lost moments with my children. I still can't think about that without crying (yes, I'm crying as I write this).

So, despite my throbbing head and the fact I felt sick to my stomach, I got up and ran and played and laughed. I nearly felt like I was going to pass out, but their smiles and laughter kept me going.

And I realized something, too. I realized I'd been 'going the distance' for the wrong team. Even though I care very much about those who write for and read Root & Sprout, I have always been a "family first" type of person, particularly when it comes to MY family. I always have those what-if's in the back of my head. What if, when Hannah goes to Ireland, she blows off The Cliffs of Moher and I never have another moment to spend with her? The guilt of choosing work over my daughter, when I could have chosen the other way around, would be too much for me to endure for the rest of my life. I realize we can't shirk our daily responsibilities to play endless games of hide-and-seek, but we can't always ignore our families for work, either.

With a little input from others, I restructured how Root & Sprout writers are paid. Although most everyone empathized with my feelings and has committed to sticking with me (thank you for the personal emails!), not everyone was happy. And despite what those who aren't happy may think, I do understand.

Since then, Grow Together has lost a member and Root & Sprout has lost eight subscribers. I have no idea if it's all related. I wish I could say that my confidence hasn't been shaken, but it has. I am constantly second-guessing myself and trying to please everyone. I know it's really not about me and that people come and go for all sorts of reasons, but I still take it personally.

At least, though, I know my limitations. First and foremost, I am a wife and mom. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

[Stacey Kannenberg]

I needed to hear your words Lis. I am adding fun with the kids to our daily calendar now that they are home for summer break! WOO HOO!

[Mom24]

I definitely think you need to put yourself and your family first. It's not easy, but in the end, you're exactly right they're who matter most. I believe you really won't have regrets if you can manage to do that. Good luck.

[TJ Hirst]

Right about the time you asked for feedback about Root and Sprout and pay, I gave my two cents and said I would be more willing to write if I were paid. My reasoning behind this is exactly what you state today. I had been blogging on my own and feeling stretched by the amount of writing and marketing for free that it takes to get noticed for the skills I have and the words I write. I couldn't give away more of my writing because it took away from what I really wanted to accomplish. Shortly after I joined Grow Together and this group I backed down from accepting assignments to submit to Root and Sprout, even though I said I would if I were paid for those service, for the very same reasons you are expressing. I think your pay structure is fair, and I just want to let you know I admire what you are building and your honesty. I've seen that the web is a wonderful place, but a highly competitive one where the old rules that kept us from using our skills have been thrown out but in their place, we haven't developed an appropriate way to show value in a monetary way for the products people create. That means for all of us we need to give what we can at the cost we can chose to pay until, like any start-up, there is a payback. For you, it seems, you've chosen, as I have, to take a more long-term approach to that payback and a more immediate payback from your little "sprouts." And that is how they will develop roots of their own. I will continue to subscribe and read and look for opportunities to contribute.

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

Wonderful sharing... I so get it. Even yesterday, Lil'Gal was wanting me to come outside and watch her on her scooter. My response was constantly, "In a minute.." Partly computer and partly preparing fish and veggies for dinner. And, thirdly, the LT. :-(

After being frustrated by her constant pestering I finally said to myself, "It's summer. If we eat 8:pm tonight, so be it." I walked away from the LT [twitter] too and went outside. She and my son were thrilled and showed off with all types of silly tricks.

Don't beat yourself up, Lis. You've already found the weak link and are replacing, rebuilding and re-lubing ;-).

And yes, I have been pestering! It's hard to give up control on such a wonderful project you have worked on so hard. But, like any magazine or publication, eventually there has to be some delegation. I agree with Tracey too about not giving up too much control.

I think if there are a couple of us who you feel comfortable with and who are happy to volunteer, then they could manage the posting/publishing to the site and posting pictures to go with. That way it's controlled AND delegated. Add up 90 minutes a day over a week and what are you getting back? Just for a little step.

The other thing we need, which I know so many of us work on daily, is PR. We need a PR person. If we have any members who are in this line of work it would be great if they could provide some tips and maybe places to go and things to do to build R&S and GT faster.

Personally, I've been hitting different chat rooms, etc., to find new ways to build R&S. But, again, it takes time.

I *heart* ya, Gal. You know that. You are doing great and you are finding your balance again. <3

[Debbie Yost]

I've been doing a little studying on Wordpress because I plan on starting a blog for the company I work for with it. Once I've gotten that done and worked with it some I'll be on board! I think it would be wiser to just have a few people responsible for posting and finding pictures. You don't want to lose too much control.

As for the rest of this post, I've finally came to terms with my blog. I used to post every day, then I went to week days, then 3 days a week and now I've missed a lot. I got caught up in losing followers and commenters but I've finally come to terms with being happy with what I have. I had many of the same worries you had, pleasing everyone and making my family suffer for it. I'd sit in the livingroom with the family but glued to the lap top reading other's blog and commenting because you have to do that to get others to read yours. I can't please everyone, no matter how hard I try and, as you've learned, neither can you. You've got your priorities straight and we faithful followers will stick. You win some, you lose some. You'll get new subscribers who won't know the old format and be happy with what you have.

Hang in there. :)

[Tracey Becker]

Maybe if you opened it up for those who were interested? I know I'd be willing to write in WordPress or at least try to learn it if it meant cutting out a step for you. Either way, I have to type it, right?

[Lis Garrett]

Thanks Tracey ~

Nova has been pestering me about allowing others access to the site, and it's something I will consider. I'd still need to edit the articles and pre-format them (WordPress often messes with formatting - grr), but then I could send them back and let the writers be resonsible for posting and adding pictures. The only problem is, I think that would deter some people from writing altogether. I know a lot of people are intimidated by WordPress (it's not difficult to figure out, though), and I can see many having reservations about adding photos and learning a new way of doing things. And then you add to the fact they really wouldn't be compensated a whole lot for doing so . . . . It's almost easier for me to do it myself.

As it is, I've been editing and uploading two or three posts each day. And for the most part, that takes about 60-90 minutes of my time, depending on outside distractions and whether or not Internet sites are running slowly.

This is still something to think about, though . . .

[Tracey Becker]

Babe, the entire idea behind this was to encourage parents to be their best and to enjoy life and their children. If the FOUNDER is having problems with that key ideal, then something HAD to change. By running this site practically alone, you are taking on WAY more than people realize.

I did have another idea: is there a way to do something like the other group site I write for? We use a Typepad account type into that account directly, and the coordinators can simply pre-approve and set the post for publication at a different date. Basically, everyone has access to pre-publishing their posts, without access into editing the site. Does that make sense? I feel it would cut out a HUGE step for you which would be opening mail, copying posts, pasting, cutting, etc. You could do all of your editing WITHIN the site and never have to search through miscellaneous emails... Also, it could allow you to pass off the editing duties to one of your co-editors on the off chance that you ever get to have a vacation this year...

Let me know if you have any questions about it. It really runs smoothly!