Blame the Teacher? Your Child? Or Yourself? School is hard!

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

Our children attend a small school. It is a small private school, though considering the expense of privates schools in the area, the state and the country -- this one is better than reasonable. And, my children have received the one-on-one small classroom education to start them off ahead of the race and give them a well founded base in education.

That being said... I've know the second - third grade teacher for a couple of years now. I've know the children she teaches because I volunteer and am at the school fairly regularly. I've been so looking forward to Farmer, Jr. attending her class and learning under her supervision. I've heard great things, have been aware of all that they learn.... yada-yada.

Welcome to 2nd grade 101. Four of we Moms (the one's that are in regular contact) are over-achievers in our own lives and in doing our best to give our children their best foot forward (without being those hover-crafts that drive the fun out of childhood)... And, WE were all overwhelmed.

I finally caught a grasp (and quite possibly a day or week after the other Moms) only to find a new curriculum of study added with a new quiz and test and a new GRADE sensus on the report card.

Still... I regrouped. I gathered information. I created a new system that worked and for both children. Lil'Gal is excelling beyond 1st grade expectations. I dare to say, she is a 'schoolie.' (Schoolie's, BTW, are awesome. Seein' as I was a a schoolie.) Things just come to her. I am often surprised at how she finds a new way to look at a problem and figure it out herself before I've finished with assisting Farmer, Jr. on homework instructions to return to her assistance.

However, it is very, very difficult for me to understand how my son can be so smart, master the reading and the comprehension and the homework -- we study the what seems face-front simple and forward study note/s and then I get his test back and his grade is an unacceptable wash out!

Wash-outs are unacceptable; except when we are all overwhelmed with makeup work from the occasional illness or something. But the daily studies that we feel we so easily handled come back to bite our report card in the PIE? No.

Today, I received the 2nd six weeks (mid-term) report (only 5 weeks in this six weeks and we are sittin' then the middle of the 4th). I freaked. I was pissed. I panicked. I did not want to blame my son (though reviewing some of his in class assignments a simple double read of the instructions would have landed him a cake of a better grade) but the tests I've been thinking "Well it's okay because we've done better on the other stuff" attitude is on face value of the upcoming report card and this is NOT acceptable.

And, I am willing to do more work. And, more studies. Son may not be, but we'll work it out. But, give me something to expand on. More than a definition and a three item concepts. Because the presentation we are given to study with are in no way in line with the quizzes and tests.

And, while I read the tests that come back and think, "Oh, I knew that one, that's why he missed it. He's thinking it meant THIS." Um, why isn't the teacher realizing that the student who is so studious is missing the THIS and choosing the THAT?"

I will admit, it is hard as well to work with a smart boy who can tell you how to build a tractor might near, and yet, can't figure out how to answer multiple choice questions on "Stimulus and Response," when he could quote me several concepts and ideas about both after we 'learned' it together.

School does not give you all the answers. A student has to learn to analyze the information presented to them. But, is it the information, the presentation, the student, the teacher, the parent (who does not have daily access to the books and full curriculum) or the system to blame?

I'm peeved and trying out who and what and where to place my upset anger. Because, I'm a schoolie so it is hard for me to 'not' understand a concept; though, that may be more of a girl boy thing, because my 1st grader daughter amazes me all the time. BUT, my son has exhibit intelligence about machinery, farming, the science of crops, weather, machinery, and even engineering and building incredible things -- that I know, KNOW, he is smart enough to understand 'stimulus' and 'response.'

What I don't understand, is why the test can't demonstrate that understanding.

So, Moms and Dads, please share.... I need the open forum...

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

Thank you for all the advice y'all.

[Lis Garrett]

If the teacher says he's on the right track, listen to her.

I went through this same thing with Jacob during his first report last year. I was in tears because he was 'average', even though that's not a bad thing at all. But the teacher said they purposefully score them on the low to average side in the beginning so they have somewhere to grow from there. How would you or Farmer Jr. feel if he started off with high marks and then they slipped. Wouldn't you rather start out with C's and improve from there? It's not even November yet. I think talking to the teacher is wise, but a C is a C for a reason . . . because it's 'average'. Not everyone is an A-student or even a B-student. Try not to compare Farmer Jr. and Lil Gal, either, because whereas he might be smack-dab in the middle, she just might be advanced.

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

Thanks Debbie. I'm just also concerned because if we start with the C's now? Oh My, it's going to only get harder. And, even though they are high Cs, we are going to have to transfer to another school this next year -- but we are considered out of district. Which makes transfer students held to a higher accountability. Not fair I know, but it is a wonderful school. Public, but maintained like a private school with the perks of extra attention to each child and events, and parent inclusion....

My SIL went through some of this adjustment and I've seen her worry over my nephew. I saw the 2nd six weeks status report and I hit the panic button. I meet with the teacher tomorrow who emailed me back saying his grades are fine where they are right now, um.... NOOO...

Thanks all of y'all; I'm opening my mind. And, I will be extra patient with him...

[Debbie Yost]

First, if he is having some trouble, it's good to know about it now and to work with the teacher. I'm not saying he has any "issues" and it's too early to get all worked up about it, but maybe he just learns in a different way and there may be some miscommunication between he and the teacher. Then again, maybe he could care less about stimulus and response and didn't want to take that test. 2nd grade is a tough year. The teachers start to put more responsibility on the kids and don't "baby" them as much. Diva's in that grade, too. Social issues may start to arise now also. There is so much going on and school is a lot harder these days than it was when we were kids. They are learning things that we didn't learn till 4th and 5th grade sometimes!

I would not put the blame on you, at all! You do more than some moms would do. You do more than me. Good or bad, but I don't sit with Diva as she does her homework. I am available to answer questions and I sometimes check it over, but not always. I learned with MA it was not good to be constantly on her because I'd get frustrated, she'd get frustrated and it turned ugly fast. It's only the 1st quarter. He may still be adjusting to the new year. Not that you should ignore it and talking with the teacher is a good idea.

All that being said and again, I'm not trying to borrow trouble, but my youngest brother is a smart guy. IQ wise. But he couldn't get good grades in school. Maybe he was bored and possibly he had a learning disabilty that was not diagnosed. It's something to be open to but not to fret over. I hope I'm making sense. It's hard not to go there when you have my experiences. :)

For now, though, I'd just give him a little time and keep communication open with the teacher. I agree with what Lis said about not penalizing him. If it's just one subject it's probably an interest thing. Don't go overboard on the homework and studying because he needs a break and might start to resent school.

Not everyone can be an A student. I wasn't and finally had to accept that I was not as good at school as my sisters. However, I had an advantage when I went to college. Things didn't come as easy for me, so I knew how to apply myself and study. They didn't. In the end, all I want from my kids is that they do their best. If their best is a B, so be it. If it's a C I can accept that, if I know they have tried. It's when they are lazy or sloppy that I get on them. I discuss what they missed on their assigments and tests but don't dwell on it.

I hope that helped. I look forward to hearing what the teacher says (if you want to share.)

[Farmer's Wife/Glass_Half_Full]

Thanks, Lis. And, it is hard with the teacher too. When I see things from her side or review the tests, etc. it makes sense why I missed the questions -- but then again, no it doesn't. He doesn't have my 37 years of reasoning and while I'm amazed at his comprehension of so many things, I can still tell that the way the testing and quiz exercises are worded that he isn't comprehending or deciphering the application of what he has learned. Does that run-on sentence make any sense?

I am meeting with the teacher tomorrow after school. And, I'm requesting additional exercises to reinforce the information. I feel like (from what we are given to study with) that the information is not covered on a wide enough scale to be testing on it -- or the test formats need to match the exercises.

I don't know and I love my son and reinforce that he is a smart boy. Yesterday, I talked with him and told him I knew he was smart and trying his best and that we would work together to figure this out.

It's frustrating, but also scary!

[Lis Garrett]

I was a 4.0 GPA student and extremely 'anal' about my grades. Hannah, on the other hand, is smart but not studious, and it drives me crazy. However, I can't take my frustrations out on her. I'm right there with her doing homework and making sure she understands the assignments, and I know she is trying her best. But she's not a great test-taker. She lacks self-confidence, and she gets in a dither because she THINKS she can't do it. (On the other hand, Jacob is like Lil Gal.)

My suggestion would be to just make sure Farmer Jr is trying his best and NOT to penalize him or get angry with him for test scores you think stink. Talk to the teacher about your concerns, too. I know hearing this probably won't ease your mind, but he's only in second grade.

Praise, praise, praise him for his efforts! It might be he is so concerned about failing and disappointing, he actually does.